GRATITUDE - A PRIMER.
Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible.
In our other post, we set out the 30 days of thanks challenge.
Every day, for the next 30 days, take a few minutes to express gratitude to someone, thanking them for something they have done for you.
Now, we consider what makes a quality thank you. Proposing a starting list of things you might wish to include.
This will prove useful wether you’ve accepted the challenge or not.
WHAT DO WE MEAN BY ‘QUALITY’?
Well, there’s the sort of everyday, throwaway ‘thanks’ that make the world go round. The sort of thanks you’d extend to a barista or waitress who serves you, the person who holds the door, the delivery driver who brings your (eco-conscious) deliveries.
These are great, of course, it’s important to say thank you to someone who does you a good turn. And it’s not that hard to be polite (even if some people make it seem so).
However, oftentimes this is not ‘high quality’ gratitude.
We’re talking about a deeper level of thanks here. And yes, quality means putting in a bit of mental effort. Not much though, as little as 30 seconds worth.
It is easily worth it.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
—William Arthur Ward
So, the next question is: How do you say quality thank you?
THE MAKINGS OF GREAT THANKS
We believe a quality thank you should fulfill as many of the criteria below as possible.
Many may seem obvious, which makes us wonder why they are so often forgotten.
Some of the elements overlap, which is helpful, but not all of them are applicable to every ‘format’ of thanks. Some of them are foundational though, and should be included as a priority.
The applicability of each element also depends on the context, timing and so on.
You’ll know best. We’re sure you’ve done this before!
The list is not exhaustive, merely a starting point, so do add your own criteria - especially as you become a gratitude pro!
And if you’ve got an awesome criteria that you think we should include, let us know!
We’d be very grateful, of course.
THE ELEMENTS OF A QUALITY THANK YOU
BE GENUINE (AND HEARTFELT AND WARM).
This kind of goes without saying. But, the reason you are grateful must be a genuine reason that you are grateful. This is actually a key concept, because if you’re saying thank you without meaning it then you are losing all the benefits the thanks will give you.
It devalues the words. Don’t encourage this in yourself. Reclaim them! Take back their power.
Don’t say thank you because you ought to, say thank you because you want to.
The elements below will reinforce this sense of genuineness.
LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.
Applicable, clearly, to in-person situations. But it’s still important to note. As thanking someone implies a level of vulnerability (will they accept my thanks?) we often find it hard to look in the other person’s eyes.
Doing so, however, makes a world of difference.
BE SPECIFIC.
Much like compliments, a thank you is better when referencing something specific. “Thank you for being you” while nice to hear (and a good start), is a bit vague. The less specific you are, the more risk you run of seeming cliché.
Which is the last thing you want when trying to convey genuine and meaningful sentiments.
Try digging deeper. What is it specifically about being ‘them’ that you are grateful for? Their smile? Their positivity? Their voice? Pick something! It’ll leave much more of a mark on the person you’re thanking.
MAKE IT MEANINGFUL.
You increase the power of the gratitude if you can be grateful for something that has meaning to you, or them, or both of you.
Better yet, tell the person it has meaning to you. Sometimes, in the context of an immediate expression, simply saying “it means a lot to me” can suffice.
TELL THEM WHY YOU’RE GRATEFUL.
This is the ‘climax’ of your gratitude, and the point at which it gets personal.
It may have already been mentioned, or alluded to in the ‘specific’ section, or could be obvious as the act for which you were grateful has just been performed.
Regardless, taking the time to reinforce the reason you are grateful makes for an even more unique expression.
TELL THEM HOW YOU WERE CHANGED OR IMPACTED.
Explaining how a deed has affected you as a person makes for a powerful ‘thank you’. This is especially applicable to gratitude for past events, but can also be used in the present.
No pressure though. It doesn’t have to be a big life-changing revelation (although by definition, if you’ve been changed by it, it has changed your life).
Try: “Since then, I’ve…”, “I see now that…” or “It made me realise…”.
DON’T EXPECT RECIPROCATION, OR EVEN A RESPONSE.
And let them know it too.
Remember, you’re not thanking them to let them know you’re grateful, or to get their appreciation.
You are expressing gratitude for the benefit doing so gives you.
Science proves you’re getting healthier and happier by doing this. You’ve already won - whether they respond or not! It’s the most selfish, selfless thing you can do.
So don’t expect them to reciprocate, it defeats the purpose. You’ll likely find that most people do, but this is just a bonus.
CONSIDER THE CONTEXT
Of course, gratitude operates in the real world. Which means you’ll have to be mindful of the context. The more personal the thanks, the better acquainted with the person you should be.
BONUS POINTS:
Thank someone you’re having a disagreement with.
Thank someone you fell out with.
Thank an old friend or acquaintance you haven’t spoken to in ages.
Thank someone for something they did a long time ago.
The best thanks leaves them speechless.
Thank someone you don’t know.
Thank someone anonymously.
That’s it.
It’s hard to get wrong, really. But practice still makes perfect - so enjoy the process!
Now all that’s left is to leave you with some very wise words.
“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”
—Eckhart Tolle
With thanks. x
WE RECOMMEND STARTING THE CHALLENGE: TODAY!